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I received a message from this guy, it was 1 word: “interested?”

I responded with one word, I’ll let you guess what it was…

This is what he is looking for:

Easy going relaxed nature, no clingy types, one who is able to stimulate mentally. ………………I not after a housewife type who’s life ambition is 2.4 kids and dinner on the table after my hard day at work.Oh and a personality, say what you think even if you think I may get offended. Independant and Individual. Uninhibited sexually If you,ve got it flaunt it, if you haven’t got it still flaunt it. NO MARRIED women as I don’t want confrontation with phsyco hubby!!
** Update**
Not into Big Brother, Price is Right , or Pokies or people who say Whatever (so American) oh and have you ever met anyone who say they haven’t got a GSOH?
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN’S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish…………………………..49
Adventurous………………….Slept with everyone.
Athletic………………………….No breasts.
Average looking………………..Mooooooo.
Beautiful………………………..Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure…………….On medication.
Feminist…………………………..Fat.
Free spirit…………………… ….Junkie.
Friendship first………………….Former slut.
New-Age……………………….Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned…………………..No BJs.
Open-minded…………………..Desperate.
Outgoing………………………Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional……………………..Bitch.
Voluptuous……………………..Very Fat.
Large frame…………………….Hugely Fat.
Wants Soul mate………………Stalker.

WOMEN’S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You’ll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You’re in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10. You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

MEN’S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let’s have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I’d like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you.
11. I don’t think those shoes go with that outfit = I’m gay

So, if you’re totally not down with the fact tampons can cause Toxic Shock Syndrome, yes that’s right tampons can KILL YOU!  Then I highly recommend this:mooncup-hand

It’s awesome!  No leaks even on the heaviest flow!  No chance of TSS!

I found I had to change it once in the morning and once in the evening.  It is designed to wear for 4-8, so you can use it overnight!  Brilliant!

You can find them at:

http://www.greenbeans.co.nz/index.php?main_page=advanced_search_result&search_in_description=1&keyword=mooncup

They’re a Kiwi company, don’t think you can get them in Australia yet.

This product has totally rocked my world.

I want to do these things:

  1. Be able to ejaculate – I want this more than anything
  2. Lose my anal viginity relatively comfortably
  3. Pay for sex, I want to sleep with a female prostitute
  4. Experience double penetration (2 penises)
  5. Have a MFF threesome (already have, but want to do it again)
  6. Start to experiment with spanking/bondage

So after being super slack in my pursuit of being comfortably f-ed in the a for a whiles now, with the end goal of losing my butt virginity properly (by this I mean an actual penis) with minimal pain, I started my ‘training’ again last night.

What does training consist of you ask?

Well everytime I masturbate (which is pretty frequently) I incorperate some form of anal play.  Whether this involves actual penetration or not isn’t so important, as sexualising the act is, which is what I’m trying to do basically.  Gotta get my brain on board for this to be able to happen.

Last night I was able to penetrate myself with the slimmest vibe I have – bought specifically for the task.  It was a bit touch and go, but it slid in comfortably eventually, I had a good strong orgasm so I’m feeling pretty encouraged.

Now to work myself up the next size vibe I have and then get something bigger again.  Once I have that biggest size down it will be time to ask someone I trust to actually have anal sex.

I’m pretty excited.  It’s one of my ‘sexual goals’ for 09.

I should do a post about those hey…?  Next time gadget 😉

big_book_207

Have a pretty picture instead.

Messages and profiles from the dating site I’m on…

“Hi, So what kind of ice cream are you talking about? Ohhh please say it’s the type where you learn to cum on my face while I turn your legs to jelly with lavish oral pleasuring or is it the type where I get to absolutely dominate you and drive you mad with lust as I take you any way I want to and lets not forget the long sensual massage with the enya playing in the background and the candle light, teasing and delighting you till you demand that I take the delight to the next level.”

And yes it is posted as it appeared.

*facepalm*

(Written about a year ago…)

Texting back and forth in anticipation.  Building it up…

Showering frantically, the sooner I scrub away the days grime the sooner I get to fuck.

Spliffing on the back porch.

Feeling so relaxed, so turned on and just really really ready.  Masturbating directly beforehand, using my fingers…  Making a sexy little film in my head of what is going to happen.

Wordlessly and soundlessly putting him in my mouth and sucking his dick like I’m going to die tomorrow.  I can deep throat, well mostly and I do everything in my oral power to make this good.  I’m in my favourite position for fellatio; me on all fours on the bed with him standing beside it.  He is emitting little moans of pleasure, this is rather encouraging for me and I’m really really into this.

I lay down and he rolls a condom over himself, even this is totally fucking sexy somehow.

I’ve had a UTI, so it’s been a little while since I’ve been penetrated and I’m tight, but really aroused and rubbing my clitoris as he slides ever so slowly inside me.  We linger over this and whilst still touching myself, I can feel my vagina tensing.  Everything feels so awesome.

Soon we’re rocking together, for the past probably 6 months I’ve begun really enjoying the feeling when I have my legs up and out with my knees pulled into my chest, so I move myself into this position.  I am so engulfed with the feelings of pleasure, we’re kissing open mouthed…  tongues touching.

I know that I’m going to be able to come like I used to…  Like I haven’t been able to for some time…

These ones only happen when I’m on top.

I wriggle out from under him and we arrange ourselves so I can sit on him, all without words being spoken, we don’t even need them, we just know – being this in sync is beyond hot.  I can feel my wetness, I am intensely aware this and it just in turn makes me even more aroused.

He lays back and I position myself sitting upright, my arms out straight with my hands on his chest, I think I’m twisted ever so slightly to right.  I start to grind, front to back and rolling my hips forward – this creates intensely pleasurable friction on my clitoris.  Anatomically I’m pretty sure his penis is rubbing hard up against the inside wall of my vagina and over the top of my g-spot.  The combination of clitoral and vaginal/g-spot stimulation is fucking unreal.

There’s this feeling starting on the inside of my vagina traveling up through my body, it’s like warmth and light and all this awesome feeling sexually energy is welling.  I grind harder and just keep the rhythm up.  He is licking, sucking and touching my nipples which feels amazing and makes all that energy grow and grow.

He stops touching my nipples and for a moment I think the slight loss of sensation is going to make me unable to orgasm.  But he puts his hands on my hips and as I grind he’s pulling me down harder on his cock.

I grind and grind and then the incredible feeling overtakes me and I tip over into the most intense, pleasurable and quite long orgasm.  I can feel him inside me distinctly as my vagina contracts for what feels like a wonderfully long time with him in me.

By this point I am limp, gibbering goo.  I crawl away from sitting on him, lay onto my back, trying to catch my breath and relishing all the tingles traveling over my body.  But, I want him to come too, so it’s back into it!

I think I end up with my legs over his shoulders once more and it’s not long before he’s orgasmed too and is lying over me spent.

I like this bit about sex with someone you have some kind of connection with, or at least intimacy…  At the very end where you’re both sweaty and puffed and languishing but he’s still on the inside of you.  I tend to hug and stroke the persons back and arms too, I want to impart the appreciation on my part for awesome sex.

So at this point I’m all loved up and happy on the high of great sex, a mind blowing orgasm and then I drift off into a satisfied, deep and dream filled sleep.

Good stuff.

So far, so good.  Changed my profile a bunch and narrowed the parameters of what I am looking for.  Last time I was there about 6-8 weeks ago, I was all “yeah, woooooo! lets totally fuck” and received literally hundreds and hundreds of messages and about 95% of said messages were absolute cockheads.

Now I seem to be attracting pretty awesome couples and older, attractive and well spoken guys, that are actually interesting to speak to and have something to talk about other than getting fucked up on the weekend.  I mean, I’m all for getting fucked up on the weekend, but that’s not the sum total of who I am and what I have to say…

Possibly going to meet one of my internet dating guys this Sunday at Koko Black.  I haven’t been on too many dates in my life, so all of this ‘ not fucking on the first date’ (basically going out to meet someone and NOT for sex) is all a bit new and shiny.  And kinda nerve wracking.  Spending time with people and not solely to get in their pants?  Woah.  This is preeeeeetty crazy.

Laf.  I’m turning into an adult and it’s hilarious.  I mean, jesus, when did I want to start dating exactly?  I don’t know…  But in a way it’s a nice feeling whilst being absolutely terrifying at the same time.

Anywho, I’m shattered need sleeps.  Night night. xo

Alrighty.  Made my invisible adult dating site profile visible again 2 days ago.

Let’s hope it all goes better than last time.

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