Funny shit on the internet is kind of one of my hobbies, have been a fan of these guys for quite some time now.

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com is an excellent mixture of awkward, epic trashiness, sexual fails and wins and some just plain wrong (but totally awesome) stuff.  I warn you though, it is some seriously crass stuff.  If you thought I was highbrow you best look away from this post.  Wait… that doesn’t sound right, no one thinks I’m highbrow!

A handpicked sample for your reading pleasure and puerile amusement:

(919): I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen

(678): My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled “Walrus sucks his own dick” and then wrote in the email “I wish I were a walrus”. What the fuck is wrong with my family?

(480): she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.

(419): I was so high last night that i’m 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes

(619): You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.

(614): Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
(1-614): Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.

(303): i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth… fuckin epic

(301): i just yelled “run, its godzirra!” to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test

(669): sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall

(518): my roommate’s gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her…

(610): I can’t finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it’s time to go to the library…

(305): I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls

(330): He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he’s a goddamn genius.

(804): Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.

(405): I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome

(864): he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.

(404): If I was on drugs, this would be amazing

(617): You probably shouldn’t be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head

(617): I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you

(702): And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse

(732): I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.

(832): Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!

(224): bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.

(508): Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.

(386): i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena

(215): I was like, “um, that’s my butthole.”

(818): Do you reaalllllly want to put “porn editor” on your resume?

(818): question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?

(919): And when I look at him, I just want him to say “I love you” in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.

(989): I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.

(580): White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I’m healthy.

(585): This is why I shouldn’t be left alone with liquor and anticipation.

(219): I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had “you win” written on it. Do I celebrate?

(918): At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting…then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.

(248): The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.

(313): Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.

(970): Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it’s so cute.

(301): Fuck appropriateness.

(206): i’m sure there’s a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.

(610): If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.