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I have a new home.  Aaaaaaaaaaall to myself.

Am in the process of sorting and cleaning and deciding where everything goes.  It’s been massively stressful, but after nearly a week in my new home I can feel my mojo returning.

So much was inside my head for so long, I was in a bad situation (housing wise) and it was seemingly really affecting me much more than I was aware of.  I knew I was tired and stressed a lot, I knew I didn’t feel like having sex much, but now that I actually feel good I realise just how bad I felt.

I get aroused by my thoughts again.  I sit here, typing this and feeling sexy.  It’s awesome.

Tonight myself and my man are going on a date.  We don’t get to do this sort of thing very often these days, too busy etc etc, so I am really really looking forward to it.  Meaningful time spent together is usually followed by especially hot sex, so yeah, also really really looking forward to the hot sex bit too.

*grin*

My life is kinda spastically busy atm.  Between insanely busy work, friends, my own stuff, family, moving house, social commitments etc etc sometimes me and the guy struggle to get time together.  And some of the time when we do actually get to see each other I’m so buggered I can barely make sentences… let alone perform any kind of amazing sexual feats.

Which sometimes means my partner is initiating sex that there is no way in hell I can participate in without actually falling asleep mid fuck.

In my past relationships, including fuck buddy situations, my libido has far outstripped my partners and I have thus emasculated them (or so aforementioned partners have claimed).

I’m currently in a position where, for the first time, my partner wants sex more than I do.  And to be perfectly honest I just don’t know how to deal with it…

It’s such an odd feeling and in these instances of him wanting to fool around when I all I want/need to do is sleep, I’m not handling it real well.  Especially if we’re in bed and I’m already half asleep, I’m pretty much making an annoyed sound and shaking off his hands.  When I’m in the cold light of day and recall this behaviour it makes me cringe inwardly, for being such a snooty bitch.

I am going to talk to him about how I’ve been feeling about this, but at the same time it’s tough – sometimes when I am half asleep and he starts touching me I get interested enough to be fully aroused and happy to engage in sex…  I can’t foretell those times and sometimes when he does start to touch me as I’m falling asleep, I think to myself “there is no way in hell” and end up having crazy late night sex.

I feel kind of afraid of the sex I’ll miss out on by talking about this – as soon as we do talk about it I think it will affect the way, if not the frequency of when he initiates sex…  But at the same time I feel awful for being a grumpy cow to him the times he does initiate sex and I am too tired.

I also feel like at my age I shouldn’t even be experiencing this.  How badly is my libido going to die if I have kids and a job and a house to keep?

Right now I have so much on, I just wish life could slow down for a bit so I could get my mojo back.

*sigh*

The sun is just coming up, exhausted and sore from dancing my arse off for many hours we head to the tent for some rest.

At the tent he kinda bombs out, is barely fully undressed and we’re kinda fooling around.  Half exhausted, somewhat clumsy touches and strokes all over each others bodies.  I crawl on top.  For about 5 minutes we have erratic bursts of thrusting.  Everything feels extremely pleasurable but we’re pretty much humping and bumping with eyes almost closed.

We slide apart and within about 2 minutes there is snoring coming from my right.

I’m on the edge of sleep but I can’t sink under because all the blood in my body is pulsing inside my vagina.

I fumble into my toiletry bag, pull out my bullet vibe and search frantically for something to penetrate myself with.  I want it to be something big and smooth…  My deodorant bottle.   Bingo!

My perception of time passed is significantly altered when I’m engaging in sexual activity, but I felt like this session went for quite some time.  The sun was fully up and I was acutely aware of all the tents and people all around me, most of whom were my friends (we all camped together at the festival) and I thought that they somehow wouldn’t appreciate the sound of me getting myself off in the middle of their morning.

Trying to be quiet when inebriated, half asleep, totally physically exhausted but aroused as fuck and in the throes of an incredibly intense sensatory sexual experience is difficult.

I think I succeeded.  I certainly hope I did… well no one said anything to me about moaning, groaning, gasping and/or buzzing or wet noises coming from our tent.  Hmmm…

For Babs knows how long I slid the bullet vibe up and down my clit and fucked myself with my deodorant bottle.  To say this felt fucking awesome would be such a gross understatement – I cannot find words adequate to describe the sensation I was experiencing.  I was delirious with pleasure and it just rolled out of me, wave after wave, the entire wank felt as good as a climax except I could fully control it and didn’t orgasm for so very long.

When I finally did come I saw pinpoints of light and my legs spasmed, I could feel my vaginal walls contracting so hard and it felt as though this beautiful, sexual, sensual and highly pleasurable violet coloured energy was rushing out of me – like a tidal wave of orgasm.

I promptly fell asleep.  When Iwoke 4 hours laterI was tangled in a bullet vibe cord and there was deodorant bottle digging into my back.

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