Things seem to be getting much, much better.

Although it has obviously only been a short while since my last post, I feel like a massive weight has been taken off my shoulders.  I’m feeling a hell of a lot more relaxed in sexual encounters.  Sexual situations are arising spontaneously and whilst I still do need to consciously switch off my inner monologue, it is getting easier.  I still don’t feel like I’m aroused in general or masturbating as much as I’d like to be, but I do feel there has been improvement.

I’m not stressing out about it anymore at least.

We’re heading overseas in a few weeks time and I do think travelling together and getting away from our regular life, jobs, house and just everyday stuff is going to do us a world of good as individuals and in turn in our relationship, including the sex we have.  I can’t wait!

I digress.

A few days ago now, a lovely lady whom I work with and reads my blog, approached me about my most recent entry and commended my bravery at writing about such a delicate and deeply personal experience.  It struck me as odd, because I feel as though if I didn’t write about something so pivotal here I’d be a total fraud.  It’s been really difficult to just write up and post, I’ll admit that, but I honestly believe the more people that put their experiences out there – good and bad – the more we learn about each other and in turn, ourselves.

I do feel it is a cop-out to write about all my sexy good times here and then skip over the gritty shitty stuff that happens to me.  I started this space to simply write and to share.  Full stop.  Being selective about what I write about undermines my whole ethos about this space.

It was also immensely helpful to put together my words and thoughts when I felt much calmer and clearer.  At the time I was so upset, confused and just flat out distressed.  Writing about something that has been eating at me for months and the breaking point in that situation has actually been quite healing.

I’m sure this isn’t all going to be over and ‘fixed’ in 1 week or even 10, but I will keep talking about it and trying to understand myself and the way my body and brain work.