You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘bit wrong’ tag.

(714): All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.

(518): my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks

(716): he got a rim job in the basement.
(716): apparently i was the one who gave it to him.

(414): Dude she was 62…with a boob job. And I’m proud to say I made out with that.

(520): I head back to the dorms in less than a week I’m not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.

(773): We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he’d fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I’m in love.

(714): if that’s jizz on my steering wheel i’m gonna be pissed…and impressed.

(910): He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn’t work.

(815): Of course I’m hard in the pics. If there’s a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it’s biggest.

(920): When life gives you lemons, puke and rally

To add to the book of super-sexy awesome adventures.

Awwww yeah. Laf.

A little while ago now, me and the boy went out bush to a small-ish doof party.

Hella fun times were had, there was only a small group of friends camped together and it was a nice mix of folks. The Saturday evening was fun, some drinks, I cooked up a delish bush-carbonara and we were snuggled down in my panelvan together by 3am.

Sunday was brilliant, woke up and ate bacon, consumed caffeinated beverages, then donned my beautiful new corset. I strutted about feeling a million dollars, I recieved loads of compliments, I danced about on the main floor and wandered into the bush a little to let my boy take some photos of my newest garment. (pictures will follow this post, I promise!)

We had to head home at lunchtime to be able to get in, unpacked, washed and dinner-ed in preparation for the working week ahead. On the travels home is when the really, really fun stuff happened…

I was somewhat trashed thus the boy took the driving reins. He isn’t used to driving my car so we didn’t have tunes on. About an hour of the drive in I was down to my knickers and singlet, legs akimbo and having a whole lot of fun in the passenger seat.

Such a turn on to be mostly naked, touching myself, being touched by him in our moving car.  I was adamant – no orgasms til we arrived home.  When there was no other traffic I would touch his cock and put him in my mouth.  Although mostly I was groping myself, enjoying being rough with my breasts and nipples, finger fucking myself and rubbing over my clit.  Periodically showing him how wet I was.

I described one of my most gaurded fantasies to him, in detail.  It’s the first time I have ever told anyone, let alone asked them to actually act it out with me.

I felt so alive and so wild, unihibited and delighting in the dirtiest and darkest parts of my mind.

This rampant touching and teasing play continued the entire drive home, the whole 2 and 1/2 hours and true to my claim, there were no orgasms.  Somewhat hilariously, we ran out of petrol on the massive freeway reentering the city.  I, of course redressed, the freeway patrol attended and we were refueled and on our way home within about 30 minutes.

Once home, we exceptionally quickly unpacked the car and derobed to shower away the dust and dirt.

We closed the door to our bedroom, put on some chilled music and turned on the heater so the cold wouldn’t bother our exposed forms.

…to be continued…

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This short film is total, absolute gold. Gold!

Was having the shittiest day, watched this and laughed my ass off. Definitely pulled me out of a funk… life SO could be worse.


MANO-A-MANO from on Vimeo.

This is NOT a sexy post at all.  You have been warned.

So, for the past 3 days I’ve had a chronic and rather painful UTI.  It’s slowly abating today, I started anti-biotics yesterday and things seem to be improving.  I’m currently eating 2 anti biotics a day, a triple dose of pro biotics, cranberry capsules, paracetamol if my abdomen hurts and drinking Ural salts twice daily.

And I’m over it.  I was not needing to pee incessantly after the first day, but have been in pain since and it fucking sucks.   Every time I urinate it’s uncomfortable at best and excruciating at worst.

I think I’ve pinpointed the cause too.  Fricking condoms.  Every-time I’ve had  UTI’s in the past few years it’s been around the time I have used condoms consistently.

I’ve stuffed up my taking my pill once or twice with my man and needed to use condoms for the 7 consecutive days until my pill is effective again.  When I think about when we initially got together we used condoms frequently and I struggled with UTI’s from time to time, but could mostly deal with it with cranberry and loads of water within a few days.

We both were STI tested fairly early in the piece and unless I haven’t taken my pill properly, which is seldom, we don’t really use condoms.  I already have bad reactions to most lubricants, so really this reaction could be caused by the lube that is already on the condom.

I’ve purchased some non-latex condoms to see if this same issue arises in future when we do need to use them…

Went to the doctors again this morning as I was due for a smear test.  Whilst the procedure itself was fine, my doctor informed me I had the beginnings of thrush in the very top of my vagina.  She said I wouldn’t have symptoms yet, but it’s there right up the top.  And I don’t have symptoms yet but I sure as fuck don’t want to have any.  So off to the chemist for $40 worth of treatment.

The money I’ve spent on doctors and medicines this week has been astronomical.  Hmph!

Thankfully she also told me cystitis infections are dealt with within 3 days of taking anti biotics, so I can stop taking them tomorrow.  Hooray!

I’m off to the bush tomorrow, me and my man are going camping with a group of friends.  There is something supremely fun about camping in winter.  We’ll have a generator so we can have lights and music and such, it will hopefully shape up to be an awesome weekend.

My UTI symptoms are thankfully gone and will hopefully stay that way, I have started the thrush medicine so *fingers crossed* the clean air and relaxation (and the shiteload of meds I am consuming) will do what they’re supposed to.

I have faith.

Recently I had a girlfriend telling me she knew someone I had worked with in the past.  She was describing me to them as “busty, beautiful, brunette and just ooooooozes sex”…  This description was supposed to identify me to this person she knew.

I blushed.  Hard.  Bright, bright red.  Then giggled self consciously.

See.  In my head I am this ridiculous girl that is mega-silly and a little overweight… Mostly awkward, dorky and lovable in an uber dag kinda way.  My hair tends to fly off in a million different directions, my boobs are absurdly large and I just don’t see myself as this attractive, overtly sexual woman that she was describing.

But upon talking to my partner about my embarrassment at this description, he felt it was actually pretty bang on.

This is when I realise despite how incredibly far I have come, how much I have grown and changed as a person and a woman, I still have some pretty prevalent self image issues.  There are times I feel sexy as hell, I feel damn good and radiate that out into the world…  But it’s a been a long road to get to a place where that’s how I feel, even then it’s really not an always thing by any stretch.

For the most part and on an everyday basis I do feel good about myself.  I’m confident in myself and my abilities, yet in this particular instance I just couldn’t believe it was actually me my gf was describing…

And I want to think that’s me, I genuinely do and need to start doing things that help me believe it.  I think I’ve been so caught up in work, life, my partner, friends, catching up with family and being busy etc etc that some important self-love, reflection and emotional investment in myself hasn’t been occurring.

So, on my agenda for the coming colder weeks and months is more time to myself to do the things that make me feel good.  A lot of my weekday socialising was already getting a little much.  Between my pole course, getting a skating session in, seeing my partner and the upkeep of my home doing social activities is eating into time I should be investing in myself.  I spend all my weekends doing things and seeing people, so I don’t think it’s unreasonable to hold off on the midweek stuff at least for a little while.

Until myself and my partner head to the Blue Mountains in late August, midweek social activities are going to be kept to a minimum.

I will allow myself the time and space to skate and dance weekly, see my man, do my washing and grocery shopping, write and share within this space and a few other corners of the internet, masturbate languidly… sometimes all evening and at other times just do nothing at all.

Sounds pretty brilliant really.

Funny shit on the internet is kind of one of my hobbies, have been a fan of these guys for quite some time now. is an excellent mixture of awkward, epic trashiness, sexual fails and wins and some just plain wrong (but totally awesome) stuff.  I warn you though, it is some seriously crass stuff.  If you thought I was highbrow you best look away from this post.  Wait… that doesn’t sound right, no one thinks I’m highbrow!

A handpicked sample for your reading pleasure and puerile amusement:

(919): I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen

(678): My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled “Walrus sucks his own dick” and then wrote in the email “I wish I were a walrus”. What the fuck is wrong with my family?

(480): she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.

(419): I was so high last night that i’m 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes

(619): You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.

(614): Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
(1-614): Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.

(303): i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth… fuckin epic

(301): i just yelled “run, its godzirra!” to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test

(669): sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall

(518): my roommate’s gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her…

(610): I can’t finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it’s time to go to the library…

(305): I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls

(330): He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he’s a goddamn genius.

(804): Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.

(405): I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome

(864): he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.

(404): If I was on drugs, this would be amazing

(617): You probably shouldn’t be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head

(617): I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you

(702): And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse

(732): I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.

(832): Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!

(224): bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.

(508): Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.

(386): i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena

(215): I was like, “um, that’s my butthole.”

(818): Do you reaalllllly want to put “porn editor” on your resume?

(818): question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?

(919): And when I look at him, I just want him to say “I love you” in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.

(989): I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.

(580): White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I’m healthy.

(585): This is why I shouldn’t be left alone with liquor and anticipation.

(219): I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had “you win” written on it. Do I celebrate?

(918): At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting…then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.

(248): The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.

(313): Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.

(970): Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it’s so cute.

(301): Fuck appropriateness.

(206): i’m sure there’s a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.

(610): If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.

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