You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘fail’ tag.

Is a 2 day solid, uninterupted fuck session with my man.

And maybe some icecream too.

Moving house in 5 days, finish work in 10 days.

When will then be now?

Things have been spectacularly shit.

They are getting better and I am getting better but my energy may be focused away from this space for a little while longer.

I will try my best to dig out a load of free nudie-content to put here, as I don’t have much to say and possibly won’t for a few weeks.

As soon as my brain gets fully back into gear I shall tell a thousand stories I promise.


This is NOT a sexy post at all.  You have been warned.

So, for the past 3 days I’ve had a chronic and rather painful UTI.  It’s slowly abating today, I started anti-biotics yesterday and things seem to be improving.  I’m currently eating 2 anti biotics a day, a triple dose of pro biotics, cranberry capsules, paracetamol if my abdomen hurts and drinking Ural salts twice daily.

And I’m over it.  I was not needing to pee incessantly after the first day, but have been in pain since and it fucking sucks.   Every time I urinate it’s uncomfortable at best and excruciating at worst.

I think I’ve pinpointed the cause too.  Fricking condoms.  Every-time I’ve had  UTI’s in the past few years it’s been around the time I have used condoms consistently.

I’ve stuffed up my taking my pill once or twice with my man and needed to use condoms for the 7 consecutive days until my pill is effective again.  When I think about when we initially got together we used condoms frequently and I struggled with UTI’s from time to time, but could mostly deal with it with cranberry and loads of water within a few days.

We both were STI tested fairly early in the piece and unless I haven’t taken my pill properly, which is seldom, we don’t really use condoms.  I already have bad reactions to most lubricants, so really this reaction could be caused by the lube that is already on the condom.

I’ve purchased some non-latex condoms to see if this same issue arises in future when we do need to use them…

Went to the doctors again this morning as I was due for a smear test.  Whilst the procedure itself was fine, my doctor informed me I had the beginnings of thrush in the very top of my vagina.  She said I wouldn’t have symptoms yet, but it’s there right up the top.  And I don’t have symptoms yet but I sure as fuck don’t want to have any.  So off to the chemist for $40 worth of treatment.

The money I’ve spent on doctors and medicines this week has been astronomical.  Hmph!

Thankfully she also told me cystitis infections are dealt with within 3 days of taking anti biotics, so I can stop taking them tomorrow.  Hooray!

I’m off to the bush tomorrow, me and my man are going camping with a group of friends.  There is something supremely fun about camping in winter.  We’ll have a generator so we can have lights and music and such, it will hopefully shape up to be an awesome weekend.

My UTI symptoms are thankfully gone and will hopefully stay that way, I have started the thrush medicine so *fingers crossed* the clean air and relaxation (and the shiteload of meds I am consuming) will do what they’re supposed to.

I have faith.

My life is kinda spastically busy atm.  Between insanely busy work, friends, my own stuff, family, moving house, social commitments etc etc sometimes me and the guy struggle to get time together.  And some of the time when we do actually get to see each other I’m so buggered I can barely make sentences… let alone perform any kind of amazing sexual feats.

Which sometimes means my partner is initiating sex that there is no way in hell I can participate in without actually falling asleep mid fuck.

In my past relationships, including fuck buddy situations, my libido has far outstripped my partners and I have thus emasculated them (or so aforementioned partners have claimed).

I’m currently in a position where, for the first time, my partner wants sex more than I do.  And to be perfectly honest I just don’t know how to deal with it…

It’s such an odd feeling and in these instances of him wanting to fool around when I all I want/need to do is sleep, I’m not handling it real well.  Especially if we’re in bed and I’m already half asleep, I’m pretty much making an annoyed sound and shaking off his hands.  When I’m in the cold light of day and recall this behaviour it makes me cringe inwardly, for being such a snooty bitch.

I am going to talk to him about how I’ve been feeling about this, but at the same time it’s tough – sometimes when I am half asleep and he starts touching me I get interested enough to be fully aroused and happy to engage in sex…  I can’t foretell those times and sometimes when he does start to touch me as I’m falling asleep, I think to myself “there is no way in hell” and end up having crazy late night sex.

I feel kind of afraid of the sex I’ll miss out on by talking about this – as soon as we do talk about it I think it will affect the way, if not the frequency of when he initiates sex…  But at the same time I feel awful for being a grumpy cow to him the times he does initiate sex and I am too tired.

I also feel like at my age I shouldn’t even be experiencing this.  How badly is my libido going to die if I have kids and a job and a house to keep?

Right now I have so much on, I just wish life could slow down for a bit so I could get my mojo back.


Soooooo, heading to my guys place last night I decided to pop in some ‘surprises’ for him.  Firstly I do not recommend trying to insert Ben Wah balls whilst you’re stopped at the traffic lights (in a car of course).  The ones I have are pink unattached balls and I have only used them once before.

His place is approx 25 minutes drive, so once I push them inside me I kinda forget about them, but every now and then I become acutely aware of their presence.  It’s extremely nice and it’s also something quite naughty inside my head, at times whilst I’m eating dinner and packing dishes away I can’t help but emit some noise due to the little shocks of pleasure I get now and then.

We retire to bed, get naked and start feeling each other up with the intention of fucking.  I kneel up on the bed and say in my sexiest voice “I have a surprise for you” with my sexiest look  I attempt to produce one of the balls.

This is the point where it all goes horribly horribly wrong.  The first ball which I can easily reach just keeps slipping out of my fingers.  I lay down to try to get a better grip… no joy.  A feeling of creeping horror is overcoming me and by this point my man has realised something is just not right.

I divulge the fact there are pink spherical obstructions inside my vagina and try to calm down.  He offers help, I accept and after much rather uncomfortable digging around in my vagina he fails to produce a ball.  Fighting a tide of now swiftly rising terror, I get off the bed and heavily jump up and down on the spot trying to move the ball down closer to the entrance of my vagina.

I reach down and wrangle out one of the balls.  I am only halfway to relief though.  There is still one ball inside me.  I try to remove it, same deal it just slides out of my fingers.  I begin to see just how ridiculous and hilarious this situation is.  There is laughter.

I eventually just go to the bathroom and pee.  Sitting over the toilet afterwards is how I get the second ball out…  I think I just needed to relax.

Back in the bedroom we have a giggle, I thrown the balls in the bin and we crawl into bed to still have sex, although it’s a surprise either of us felt like it after that little escapade.

I can’t help but laugh at my epic sexy fail.  It’s just too funny not to.

Last night, for the first time in my life, I was too tired to wank.

I was reading my book about commodity corn and thought to myself, I’d like to have an orgasm, put my book down and promptly fell asleep.

Heh.  Will have to make it for it tonight!

My Sexy Brains

  • Well it's been a hot minute & I don't know how often I'll use this account but I'm defs on Twitter - you can find me here: @pleasant_danger 1 year ago

Beautiful, ethical and amazing male-centric porn

10% discount on membership with my links

Free Audio-Erotica

Sonic Erotica

Sweet blog cred

Eden Fantasys – buy sexy stuff here!

Australian Sex Party

Australian Sex Party. Equal rights for everyone

Australian Sex Party. Equal rights for everyone

I adore this lady

Period Porn