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I may end up with RSI by the end of summer…

*prays for a spring fling*

It would be really nice to have a little fun with someone new though.  I find myself looking at strangers on the street with interest, walking along in the sunshine and humming to myself.  WTF is happening to me!?!

Laf.

Why thank you ever so much Captain Libido you have returned!

After getting super trashy at the party on the weekend, I spent some quality time browsing over at grownupgoods.com.au on a friends laptop in the very early hours of Saturday morning.

I then proceeded to spend all of my money.  I can’t afford to eat this week, but I will masturbate until I am no longer hungry when all my sexy implements arrive.

My payment confirmation email came yesterday so I shall have many sexy toys within the next 2-3 days.  Yay!

I have also made the executive decision to make my adult dating site profile invisible for the forseeable future.  I just don’t have the time to meet these people and as it gets warmer I lose the desire to sit in front of my pc surfing and chatting to random men who want to fuck me in uncomfortable places.

And I don’t mean in the back of a Volkswagon.

So spring has sprung and whilst I am still super horny I have resolved to solve my lack of sex with an arsenal of toys, rather than dicking around on the internet with a bunch of random guys.

I received a message from this guy, it was 1 word: “interested?”

I responded with one word, I’ll let you guess what it was…

This is what he is looking for:

Easy going relaxed nature, no clingy types, one who is able to stimulate mentally. ………………I not after a housewife type who’s life ambition is 2.4 kids and dinner on the table after my hard day at work.Oh and a personality, say what you think even if you think I may get offended. Independant and Individual. Uninhibited sexually If you,ve got it flaunt it, if you haven’t got it still flaunt it. NO MARRIED women as I don’t want confrontation with phsyco hubby!!
** Update**
Not into Big Brother, Price is Right , or Pokies or people who say Whatever (so American) oh and have you ever met anyone who say they haven’t got a GSOH?
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN’S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish…………………………..49
Adventurous………………….Slept with everyone.
Athletic………………………….No breasts.
Average looking………………..Mooooooo.
Beautiful………………………..Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure…………….On medication.
Feminist…………………………..Fat.
Free spirit…………………… ….Junkie.
Friendship first………………….Former slut.
New-Age……………………….Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned…………………..No BJs.
Open-minded…………………..Desperate.
Outgoing………………………Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional……………………..Bitch.
Voluptuous……………………..Very Fat.
Large frame…………………….Hugely Fat.
Wants Soul mate………………Stalker.

WOMEN’S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You’ll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You’re in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10. You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

MEN’S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let’s have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I’d like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you.
11. I don’t think those shoes go with that outfit = I’m gay

Messages and profiles from the dating site I’m on…

“Hi, So what kind of ice cream are you talking about? Ohhh please say it’s the type where you learn to cum on my face while I turn your legs to jelly with lavish oral pleasuring or is it the type where I get to absolutely dominate you and drive you mad with lust as I take you any way I want to and lets not forget the long sensual massage with the enya playing in the background and the candle light, teasing and delighting you till you demand that I take the delight to the next level.”

And yes it is posted as it appeared.

*facepalm*

So far, so good.  Changed my profile a bunch and narrowed the parameters of what I am looking for.  Last time I was there about 6-8 weeks ago, I was all “yeah, woooooo! lets totally fuck” and received literally hundreds and hundreds of messages and about 95% of said messages were absolute cockheads.

Now I seem to be attracting pretty awesome couples and older, attractive and well spoken guys, that are actually interesting to speak to and have something to talk about other than getting fucked up on the weekend.  I mean, I’m all for getting fucked up on the weekend, but that’s not the sum total of who I am and what I have to say…

Possibly going to meet one of my internet dating guys this Sunday at Koko Black.  I haven’t been on too many dates in my life, so all of this ‘ not fucking on the first date’ (basically going out to meet someone and NOT for sex) is all a bit new and shiny.  And kinda nerve wracking.  Spending time with people and not solely to get in their pants?  Woah.  This is preeeeeetty crazy.

Laf.  I’m turning into an adult and it’s hilarious.  I mean, jesus, when did I want to start dating exactly?  I don’t know…  But in a way it’s a nice feeling whilst being absolutely terrifying at the same time.

Anywho, I’m shattered need sleeps.  Night night. xo

Alrighty.  Made my invisible adult dating site profile visible again 2 days ago.

Let’s hope it all goes better than last time.

About Myself
Generous, fun, entrepreneur wants to find a sexy woman for casual fling that may turn into something else…

If you’re a sexy, smart, psychologically healthy woman, then read on…

I am looking for a great woman to have some casual adventures with. I don’t know if you’re the woman I’m after and you don’t know if you want to have casual adventures with me, so let me tell you a little bit about myself.

I usually get up pretty early in the morning and after eating a good breakfast, head down to the House of Pain (aka the gym).

After working up a sweat for an hour or so, I head back home, shower and get ready for the rest of the day.

Once I’m smelling fresh again, it’s time to get down to work.

And yes, I am a workaholic. And I love it. I run a “virtual” company, meaning that I don’t actually operate with an office. I run everything and manage all my staff from home.

It’s like playing a big game to me and I really do love it. But as well as running this business, I also spend a lot of time on a couple of causes that I really care about. This also takes up time, but is really rewarding.

So I’m pretty busy 🙂

And what comes after all my work? After I’m done dealing with staff? After I’ve put in another 12 hour day? Nothing. No sex, no drinking, nothing that most people would call fun.

Not that I’m complaining. I love what I do. It’s just that there are some things that a man can’t go without and female companionship is right up the top of that list.

So why am I on this site? Why do I have to advertise on here to meet a woman? Is it because I’m morbidly obese? Is it because I really spend all my time playing world of warcraft?

No. I’m not a bad looking guy, I’m pretty funny and I have a pretty happy outlook on life. I just don’t get out as much as I did when I was 19.

So why do I have to get on an adult dating website to find a partner? I don’t. I’ve had plenty of girlfriends and have slept with more women than is safe.

I just find myself in a situation where I don’t have the time to get out there as much and since I work on the internet, I figured this is perfect for me.

I’ve had the company of some great women in the past and am looking for another one right now. But I’ve also met my fair share of weirdos and women who I really don’t want to see again.

Want some examples?

Sarah the Starfish: Sarah was a 19 year old beauty. I’m sure most guys would’ve been proud if they had taken her to bed.

Until they actually took her to bed that is. You see, while she was gorgeous, she just laid still for the entire time we were together.

I think it had something to do with her low self esteem. Even though most guys would give their left testicle to sleep with her, she didn’t think she was beautiful.

So self esteem is high on my “musts” for a woman these days.

Obsessive Olivia: I actually really enjoyed the first couple of dates with Olivia. And after sleeping together a few times, I thought we might actually be able to have some fun long term.

Until she started calling me everyday. I don’t know why, but she felt the need to call me every day for hours on end. By now you should’ve already realised that I’m a busy guy and just don’t have time for this.

Being told that I was too busy to talk for hours on end, I eventually had to tell her that I had moved overseas for a while and was seeing another woman just to stop her from calling me.

I could go on. Both these examples are true (I did change the names though).

I know that online dating is still a little weird, so I don’t blame you for feeling a little apprehensive about emailing me (or replying to my email!).

After all, you don’t have to look very hard on this site to see profiles that sound something like this:

– Psychotic white woman wants to be sodomised by 12 Jamaican truck drivers and a boa constrictor while husband drools while video taping

And so on. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.

I’m not like that. Really. I swear. I’m a healthy, normal enough kind of guy who just wants to add some sex and female companionship to his busy life.

So if you want to get to know me, just send me a wink or an email and I’ll get back to you. Please just make sure you read the below section to make sure you’re who I’m after too.

Viel Spass

My Ideal Partner

While there are a load of things I do want from a woman, there are also a bunch of things that I DO NOT want. So let’s start with those first, shall we?

1. STDs. I may have slept with quite a few women in my time, but I’ve always used protection and as a result, I’m squeaky clean.

And I expect you to be the same.

2. Desperados. Are you sleeping on the street because you can’t pay the rent? Is your exboyfriend a mafia hit man who’s trying to track you down?

I’m sorry if you’re in a hard spot right now, I really am. But I’m just a normal guy. I don’t have any super powers and I probably can’t fix your problem. Nor do I want to deal with any angry exboyfriends.

3. Interest in alternative sex. Do you spend your days at work dreaming about golden showers? Do you spend your weekends at partys that would make Caligula blush?

That’s fine, but it’s not what I’m really looking for. Call me boring, but I’m after a single girl to have good old fashioned fun with.

Sure, if you want to bring along a girlfriend, I’m cool with that, but keep the whips and PVC outfits at home.

There are probably other things I could list here, but those are the main ones. So let’s have a chat about what I am actually after.

I’m after a woman who is great to look at (in MY eyes) as well as someone who has a healthy dose of self esteem and is someone who enjoys my company.

Yes, I do realise this is a sex site and that’s basically what I’m after. But if I just wanted sex, I’d go visit the Daily Planet. I do need some sort of mental stimulation as well.

As far as age is concerned, I’m not really too interested in numbers. I enjoy young women (18+ please) as well as mature ladies.

What is important to me is that you take care of yourself. I’m not saying you have to be a supermodel, but I’m not really into BBW.

My Sexy Brains

  • Well it's been a hot minute & I don't know how often I'll use this account but I'm defs on Twitter - you can find me here: @pleasant_danger 2 months ago

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