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This is the last stills post before the main event.  I’m saving it for Christmas 🙂

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This is where I have been focusing for the past whiles… I haven’t felt this excited about pornography since, well, I can’t really remember. Anyways, it’s really fucking good and you should look at it. Like, now.

A Sensate Films and Feck collaboration: Gentleman Handling.



“What we’ve made here, really, is a lovely place to watch moving images of male masturbation. GentlemanHandling attempts to strip the image of male sexual pleasure from its less-than-savoury pornographic contexts and situate it in a style of imagemaking that is honest, attentive, and reverent. In our years of experience in the pornosphere, we’ve found that men have just as much to lose as other genders from the dishonesty and superficiality of mass-produced sexual imagery. So we’ve taken up the project of presenting our contributors in a manner that highlights their human-ness, their individual sexual style. Self-pleasure is a deeply personal thing and is often glossed over or neglected in mainstream sexual media. We’re trying to take steps to change that.”

So this site, booking of shoots, people managing, learning new production/set-up/lighting skills and on occasion creatively collaborating has been a part of my world/job/life for many months now. I have been sitting on the knowledge that this beautiful space would hopefully soon, or rather eventually, come to fruition and here it is. I nearly burst at the seams keeping this secret, that’s for sure.

In super awesome and exciting news, I am also a regular contributor on the Gentleman Handling blog: Hyperballad’s Tangenitals. Please go say hi sometime, I’d very much appreciate it.

I am working with two totally amazing women on GMH, together they came up with the concept of this project and made it happen. They have formed their own company Sensate Films and will continue making Slow Porn til the end of days and sexy-times. What is Slow Porn, you ask?

“The mass-production mentality of the adult industry draws producers into its ‘more, faster!’ mindset and mode of production. This often sacrifices both the quality of the product and the experience of its creation. Our response to this is to slow down. This gives us the time and presence to pay attention to those details that the mainstream so often misses; the quality of a breath, the words in a whisper. It gives our contributors the time to make choices about their representation, and also to take their time, to indulge themselves, to respond to the process of being documented.”

I love the awesome ladies I work for/with, I love the GMH site, I love the gorgeous men we work with and I love the amazing revelations this project continues to uncover in regards to masculinity and male sexuality for me. Every day, every shoot and every contributor holds something new to be learnt.

So for the love of the mans, go have a look at this space and if you like what you see, please join and support the continuation of the smart and sexy porno contained there-in.

Go visit these guys here: Dodson and Ross

Sung to the tune of Changes by David Bowie.

Soooo, later on this week I am heading back into the ifeelmyself.com studio to touch myself up on camera.  It has been a really, really long time since I shot proper website content type stuff.  I’m really excited, I’ve found myself daydreaming about it since I booked it in.

I’m currently feeling super positive about my body and sexuality, the timing is fantastic.  I have been ‘testing’ my capacity for orgasm recently and am really looking forward to pushing myself as far as I can go when I’m shooting.

I will also have my sweet rip-off Hitachi on hand.  I have mastered the art and can now give myself the most toe scrunching and body twitching orgasms with it.

Expect a report on my experience, am aiming to have an excellent time though!

All the meals were incredible! A vegetarian catering crew had been hired and they just totally rocked. Such. Good. Food. Brekkie in the morning was great, good fuel for the day ahead. I skipped the first workshop of the day on Saturday and went to chill, also ended up writing for a couple of hours, I was still processing everything from the previous evening and didn’t feel strongly about either of the workshops.

My first workshop was ‘Sex after Childbirth’ which was a very small, intimate group and a very informative space. I want to be a sex postive mum and also try to maintain the best possible sexual connection that I can have with my partner throughout my pregnancy, when I do actually enter that phase in my life. Such great advice, the crux of which was essentially that child birth is a rebirth – I will change when I become a mum and thus the sex I will want to have will change, as will my body and that’s okay. Very affirming and lovely and gentle.

It was then time for lunch and I was able to hang out with my peeps and decompress. Once again, very tasty noms were had.

The next workshop I went to was ‘Spanking, Breath and Ecstatic Trance’ with the most amazing dom. The theory and demonstration was brilliant, she had a model and also demonstrated negotiating the play as well. During visualisation of being spanked and also spanking I immediately pictured my partner and had an immediate genital response. Intense! I also didn’t want to play with anyone but him when it came to possibly putting theory into practise towards the end. Everyone started partnering off, I didn’t want someone trying to partner up with me and panicked slightly. I made a hasty exit and headed to the womens tent.

Womens tent totally saved my ass. I was pretty anxious and feeling a little overwhelmed, but it was so tranquil and lovely I very quickly calmed down and allowed myself to warm by the fire. I spoke to the lovely woman there, soon after one of my lady friends came to the tent too, she had began to feel overwhelmed also. We had an interesting conversation about anxiety and feeling uptight in general, I began to realise more and more this weekend how much the idea of being touched by anyone but my closest is not okay. I am not really 100% sure of where this aversion came from but it is a very strong visceral reaction…

There was a break and then we went into the ‘Female Ejaculation’ workshop run by the awesome C and G. ZOMG. Stand out workshop of the weekend. Straight forward, frank and so much information and science. Love it. G gave so much anecdotal information from her own experiences and C followed it up with the science and anatomy. I saw the most detailed slides of the female genitals and reproductive system that I have EVER seen. This theory, information and diagrams was followed by C demonstrating helping G to ejaculate. I know G and she asked us, her friends, to form a bit of a protective ring around the massage table.

Goddamn, it was SO intense. I was clenching, squirming and massaging the back of my own neck. G was able to ejaculate twice and it was incredibly beautiful and humbling to have her share herself in such an intimate way. That lady has mega balls, I tells ya. Afterwards I was in a daze, I was sharing her afterglow and it felt like I’d just had an orgasm myself.

We trundled off to dinner, ate our food and dissected our day and experiences to one another. Some of my friends got themselves jazzed up in outfits and we went to check out the performances. The first performance I caught was brilliant, the second was a spoken piece that had *zero* trigger warning and the presenter merely said ‘okay folks, it’s going to get a little bit darker in here’. Basically it was the presenter from one of the days earlier workshops ‘Speaking Sex’ and she was detailing, rather artfully, a date rape experience. I don’t often think about the sexual assault I experienced but the words leaving this womans mouth nearly exactly mirrored what happened to me.

I froze. I couldn’t breathe.

Thankfully the amazing friend next to me immediately noticed and asked if I was okay. I said no and got up and stumbled out of the tent, got my shoes on as fast as I could, she followed and we went up to my dorm and sat in front of the fire while I decompressed. I was pretty pissed off at this point, it’s not hard to let people know a performance maybe triggering for them. Also I think some people may have been at Sex Camp to help themselves heal from sexual trauma and such a performance, without warning, was extremely insensitive.

Eventually our other friends found us, they were worried but immediately understood when I explained. I had righted myself by then, so we also donned fabulous attire and headed to the silent disco. I wore my white elvis jumpsuit and danced my arse off. One of my friends A, borrowed my sailor outfit, W was totally suited up and J looked so super cute and fabulous.

We had a massive, trashy boogie. It was SO much fun and an amazing release. Except for the bit where the guy in his lame elvis suit tried to get way too friendly. I said pretty much told him to step off in front of a bunch of people and he went away. My favourite bits about the disco were the teeny little laser in the corner of the room, taking my headphones off and listening to people sing along to different songs with abandon and us going outside to dance in the cold air, the disco was like a sauna and we chattered, laughed and just carried on, it was ace.

Once fully worn out we went back up to my dorm, G, C and many other lovely peeps were hanging out there, we chatted some more, ate snacks and got dozy by the fire. I said goodnight to folks, they headed to their tents and I to my room. There were muffled moans and groans until I fell asleep, some folks were putting their days learnings into practise.

I on the other hand read my book on space by torchlight, I was sleepy but needed to wind down. As I snuggled down into the blankets I wondered what the following day would bring… Everything I had experienced thus far had been huge.

I am really hoping that a tentative offer to attend this totally amazing space does eventuate for me: Sex Camp

When the opportunity initially presented itself I had heard very little about it, except in passing. I am definitely super wary of things that are potentially contact based sex and sexuality workshops – I think there are SO many elements to providing a safe space for sexual exploration and basically I don’t want *anyone* touching me that I haven’t explicitly consented to.

Although one of the first things the site addresses is motivation for attending, that’s it’s not 2 day camping orgy and that the workshops etc are non-contact.

I spent a whole night looking at the site with my partner, reading and delving into the ideas and ethos and the errr, facebook group too. (sometimes facebook feels like such a dirty word)

I am sold. It looks like it will be a beautiful space, an incredibly healing space and the kind of space that would be extremely helpful for me at the moment. I think that there would be so many amazing people to talk to as well. My gosh, the workshops and seminars are just mind blowing and not all 100% spirituality based either. I’m a little shy of full blown energetic orgasm type stuff. I think I hear too much about it, from the wrong people in my job.

If I can attend, I would be doing so on my own. Flying solo. I have blessings from my gorgeous man ‘to experience what I want and need to experience’ which is pretty damn special. I’m sure if it’s totally kick ass he would be interested to attend in future, also exciting to think about too.

Aside from anything it has generated some good dialogue between us and made me much more motivated to pursue real life information regarding sex and sexuality, rather than staying safely behind my computer screen.

To add to the book of super-sexy awesome adventures.

Awwww yeah. Laf.

A little while ago now, me and the boy went out bush to a small-ish doof party.

Hella fun times were had, there was only a small group of friends camped together and it was a nice mix of folks. The Saturday evening was fun, some drinks, I cooked up a delish bush-carbonara and we were snuggled down in my panelvan together by 3am.

Sunday was brilliant, woke up and ate bacon, consumed caffeinated beverages, then donned my beautiful new corset. I strutted about feeling a million dollars, I recieved loads of compliments, I danced about on the main floor and wandered into the bush a little to let my boy take some photos of my newest garment. (pictures will follow this post, I promise!)

We had to head home at lunchtime to be able to get in, unpacked, washed and dinner-ed in preparation for the working week ahead. On the travels home is when the really, really fun stuff happened…

I was somewhat trashed thus the boy took the driving reins. He isn’t used to driving my car so we didn’t have tunes on. About an hour of the drive in I was down to my knickers and singlet, legs akimbo and having a whole lot of fun in the passenger seat.

Such a turn on to be mostly naked, touching myself, being touched by him in our moving car.  I was adamant – no orgasms til we arrived home.  When there was no other traffic I would touch his cock and put him in my mouth.  Although mostly I was groping myself, enjoying being rough with my breasts and nipples, finger fucking myself and rubbing over my clit.  Periodically showing him how wet I was.

I described one of my most gaurded fantasies to him, in detail.  It’s the first time I have ever told anyone, let alone asked them to actually act it out with me.

I felt so alive and so wild, unihibited and delighting in the dirtiest and darkest parts of my mind.

This rampant touching and teasing play continued the entire drive home, the whole 2 and 1/2 hours and true to my claim, there were no orgasms.  Somewhat hilariously, we ran out of petrol on the massive freeway reentering the city.  I, of course redressed, the freeway patrol attended and we were refueled and on our way home within about 30 minutes.

Once home, we exceptionally quickly unpacked the car and derobed to shower away the dust and dirt.

We closed the door to our bedroom, put on some chilled music and turned on the heater so the cold wouldn’t bother our exposed forms.

…to be continued…

In late January I shot some new content, at home, for the ifeelmyself.com site. (click on the banner to the left and down a bit)

It is the first time in at least a year I have made a film and a year is a long time when you’re experiencing major sexual growth. Part of not shooting for such a long time led me to realise that I had wholly eroticised the camera… to the point where I often fantasize I’m in the ifeelmyself.com studio when I’m masturbating.

So needless to say, I had some seriously intense orgasmic energy going on. The cherry on top of the delicious cake was that for my first take my gorgeous man helped me get off. I ended up shooting 4 takes in total… (2 is the norm).

When multiple turns ons come together in one session I apparently get a little excited, or something. Basically my entire afternoon was one large, pleasurable haze. Even for the takes following the first when he helped me to orgasm, he was still down the end of the room on his pc gaming and watching on, occasionally masturbating along with me.

I honestly feel I shot the best content I have ever made. It is the closest-to-reallife film that exists of me, that’s for sure. I think the ‘reality’ of the situation was what made it so hot too.

In combination to the big HD tv cameras, I had a little sony handheld HD camera and used it in different ways throughout this shooting session. This was absolutely, totally and extremely sexy. Cannot express this enough… words don’t suffice. Physically operating a camera that I was using to filming myself, whilst getting off was unbelievably hot.

I have been using this experience as masturbatory material ever since, it was just *so good*.

The films I made are just about to go live over at the ifeelmyself site and I am so, so, SO excited to see them. It’s like a grand finale for an already awesome and highly pleasurable experience. I can’t wait to watch each of them with my partner and to share them with a much wider audience than my humble blog could ever reach. Don’t get me wrong though, I plan to make some lovely things solely for this space as well.

So in short, cameras are damn sexy… I wonder if this becomes the case with anyone else whom films adult content…?

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